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Tuesday, May 27th, 2003

Time:10:43 pm.
To all those that are wondering...from here on out it's going to be all Friend's only....
Comments: Read 34 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, May 24th, 2003

Time:9:00 pm.
I always want to get on here and write something meaningful where tons of people will respond to and it will mean something, but once I sit down to do it it all just slips away from me.

I want to write in this thing more, but I want to write something of substances...not just how I went to the grocery today. My life I fear is not the most exciting life in the world however and there's only so many things you can write about without becoming repeatative.

For the last couple of days I've been trying to figure out how to do the right thing. Or more importantly what the right thing was. Problem is in some situations you never really know what the right thing is. So I've been trying to figure out how to do the right thing and hoping in the back of my mind it's not the wrong thing. Just sort of cross your fingers and hope for the best I suppose.

I'll be more coherent the next time I sit down to write in this thing....I promise....
Comments: Read 7 orAdd Your Own.

Time:6:26 am.
Me and my fucking morals. Always with my power tripping "do the right thing" shit. Always trying to be that guy that people go "ohh yeah, he's a nice guy". But, I know....I know I'm the farthest from it.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, May 15th, 2003

Time:11:26 pm.
I give up...really I do....

I'm 20 years old. I should have stayed single from the get go...about a year ago I had a good thing going for me. No strings attached, just hanging out with various girl-friends and no bs. Someone I got lost on that whole thing, but not anymore.

Save your relationships. I'll take a friend that happens to be a girl who I can hang out with, watch movies, cuddle occassionally and laugh with. Heck i'll take a couple.

Life's not going to get me down on this one. Pick myself up, dust myself off, get back on the horse....and this time with the addition of owen being my new room mate come September..this horse should have a jet pack strapped to it's back.

My name's Kevin, I live for the moment. I've been hurt, but I'll heal. I've been lost, but I'll find my way. I'm searching for my way, but when I find it....

watch out
Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, May 11th, 2003

Time:9:14 pm.
http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?colID=1&articleID=000F1EDD-B48A-1E90-8EA5809EC5880000

If you want to read all that you can, but its something like 10 pages chalked full of all kinds of info so you might be reading for a while. Basically the concept is that space as we know it is infite or if not then extremely large, therefore pretty much every possibility that could have happened either is happening, has happened or will happen. More so if somewhere else in space there was a big bang that happened like ours with the same elements then right now a bizzilllion miles away you and I could have twins on another earth. Actually if you really think about it we could have multiple twins and then we could also have younger and older versions of ourselves depending on when our twin's universe started.

Think about that for a little while....
-----------------------
So last night Owen and I went to go watch X2 which was really pretty good. I'm a big fan boy at heart for X-men so I doubt they could really do any wrong from my perspective, but I do like how they actually come up with a really pretty good plot for the movie instead of just beating the crap out of one another. Im really hoping Beast and Gambit make the next time around.

Then we went to OC to some kegger thrown by a guy from high school. It was nice...something different to do, but still...I really understand why Im glad to be out of OC. Some people just seem to fall in like a void and never get out of Oldham County. But it was nice to see some people I havent seen in a while and it was a good night over all.

I think thats it for now....
Later
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, May 4th, 2003

Time:8:29 pm.
Vhs or Beta rocked my freakin socks last night....TransAM also was awesome. Broken toe or not I tore it up. And you should have too.
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Subject:Derby night was.......
Time:11:24 am.
Great!
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Saturday, May 3rd, 2003

Subject:ouch...
Time:3:30 pm.
So Andrew(a guy from work), Brandi(a girl from work), and I are all working on hold over cans at work last night. Andrew and I are pulling a can to the back of the dock so we can get the other ones on. I move to twist the can to move it towards an open spot. Only thing though is that the can catches up with my right foot....and runs over it. I had steel toe boots on and it cuts it all up and I start to feel a little bit of pain. I'm thinking i just hurt myself a little and no big deal, but they insist I sit down for a bit. I do and when I do I decide to take off my shoe to make sure everything is ok. Upon taking off my shoe though I discover blood has soaked my pinky toe area...just soaked it. So I take of the sock and it begins to bleed pretty bad and thus Andrew goes to get our Full timer to tell him. I'm fine during all this....Brandi and I are just talking about stuff and Im not really in a lot of pain. In reality I actually thought all I really needed to do was go wash it off and get a bandaid. But eventually my Full timer Willie comes, with my part timer, another part timer and some other girl. He decides to call the on properity ambulance...they decide that more likely than not I need to go to the hospital to get it more than likely sowed up.

So I get to ride out in the ambulance on the stretcher(ha). Eventually after waiting for another ambulance to come I make it to Baptist east where they procede to give me a tettniss(sp?) shot, stick an IV in me with anti-biotics, give me some of the worst shots in my life to numb my toe, give me X-rays, and then sow up my toes...oh and then badge my foot up lilke a mummy.

What I had done is sliced my toe all the way down to the bone and then broke some of the bone off. Since they dont really do anything for your pinky toe bone they just sowed me up and gave me some meds to make me feel good.

Finally I got home at 9 and now I've just waken up about 30 mins ago. So it was a long ordeal for a little tiny toe. Now though I have to go the Work man's comp doctor to make sure I can go back to work.

Soo yeah......
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, May 2nd, 2003

Subject:...
Time:10:48 pm.
So the plan was to go pick up Owen, meet Jen* and Brandon, and have Jessica come over tommorow for Derby. I've even been running around trying to find a buddy of mine so we could all get into this really cool party. Well Owen calls and tells me when he gets in from the airport he might not be able to do anything bc his family wants him home for their Derby party so he has no clue if he could come hang out with me. Then about 10 mins ago Jen* IM's me and tells me that her and Brandon have decided on "quite time"....I'm not even going to get into the bullshit that is that. Not that I'm suprised, but now I just realise that I should have never tried.

So now I have Jessica that still wants to do something but I really dont want to hang out with just her. For one it would feel weird bc it would be almost like a date and its totally not nor could it probably ever be. Plus I really dont want Leah to call and ask me whats happening and me to tell her im with some girl. Even though we're not together I dont want her to get pissed off over something that's nonexistant.

So now I have a very good possibility that I'll be doing jackshit for derby, the one night that this town does something. Im just hoping that by some strange possibility that Owen can come and/or Aaron will be wanting to do something.

Eh...Hope your weekend is better than mine is starting out to be....
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, April 28th, 2003

Subject:Commitment-From a male perspective.
Time:9:43 pm.
"Commitment"....

As I reach my 21st birthday and more and more people my age are settling down, getting married and popping out babies the ones left of us that are single are hearing those words echo in our heads day in and day out. Although I'm sure there are some exceptions to the rule as there always are, it seems as if more and more as I grow older women are falling more and more in love with the word "commitment" while men more and more are pissing their pants in fear of it. A lot of relationships have ended quite suddenly because of this too. The woman wants to take it to the next level while the man is utterly confused on even what level he's on now. So in maybe a frutal attempt to explain my gender here's my, and my alone's perspective on the whole subject maybe in part to put at ease the fighting between the two sexes.

As I see it, it's like this, as much as we males want to say this world is a male-dominated society we even know deep down in the bottom of hearts that is a big barrell of shit. Take a look at any older couple right now, take a look at your mom and dad, or your grandparents. More likely than not you're going to see a dominant female with a somewhat submissive male. In the 1940's and 50's it was the big thing for men to be "silent, yet stern", another crock of crap. The men in the 40's and 50's just didnt want to open their mouths and hear about it from their wifes. An old saying is "Behind every good man, there's a great woman". What they dont do is finish that sentence and say "Behind every good man, there's a great woman....that's told the man what to wear, what to say and how to part his hair, among other things". Men might have a little bit of political power still left in the workplace, but every man damn well sure knows when he gets home that he better just shut the fuck up and do whatever the wife says.

We, as males, know this. We've seen this go on with our parents and our grandparents. We've been watching Mom tell Dad to go wear this shirt and go get this from the grocery since we kids and now as we reach the age that we might become some resemblence of our fathers we're scared shitless.

Because you see women and men look at each other differently. A man looks at woman and goes "damn, she's funny, cute, and nice..AND SHE LIKES ME". Guys are so overly excited that a member of the opposite sex likes them that they forget about any character flaw that said individual might have. I mean half our lives are following women around like puppy dogs trying to get them to go out with us, it's refreshing when we finally get one that does. A woman, however, will look at a guy and go "well he's cute, funny, and is smart....and you know i bet i could get him to go to the tanning bed, gym and dress better if i really wanted to". Women are like the little kid in art class that spent to much time on the pottery wheel fucking with the clay pot trying to make it into something half way presentable. Let me be the first to tell you ladies, a lot of us will never be presentable. We're dirty, foul, smelly, rude, and a lot of us don't ever plan on changing that.

You see even now more so than ever males are scared to death because now more than ever we're coming from single parent homes, prodominately raised solely by our mothers. I can say from experience on this one, it took me 18 long years to finally be out on my own. To be able to walk around naked, eat cookies for breakfast, fart in public, and just simply sit down in front of the television with nothing but my boxers on and scratch myself....to say that I want to go right around and give that all back up and have another woman tell me what to do is absurd.

And I know half of you are saying that you've never told you're boyfriend how to dress or how to act. And although you might not have said it, you've done it. Take for instance, candles, guys would never in a million years burn candles, but sooner or later after so many visits from his girlfriend he's going to get a "suprise gift" of one to "brighten up the place". Which guys if youre wondering means your place smells like dog crap and you might want to clean. Or take for instance clothes. Women will not go out and buy things based on what they think their boyfriend might like to wear, they go out and find things that they would like to see their boyfriends wear. And last but not least explain how the majority of guys I know are p-whipped, but I failed to find even one...one girl that's dick-whipped. I've never even heard of dick whipped up until 4 minutes ago when I made it up for gosh's sake.

So in closing, ladies please don't get frustrated when we males dont want to settle down and commit because really it's not because we don't love you or want to settle down someday. And believe me it's not you that we're afraid of....it's your version of us that have us scared to death.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, April 24th, 2003

Subject:I've been watching Def jam Poets again....
Time:6:30 am.
Burdens beat down.
Chained up like an animal I scream your name.
Where were you dad?
Was there another boy,
With another name?
Someone cuter, someone funnier, someone you saw just a little bit more of yourself in?
Or did you just not hear me?
Did you not hear my empty cry?
Did you not hear me when I was brought into this world and you were no where to be found?
Did you not hear me when I was five and other boys pushed me down?
Bastard! Bastard!
They yelled at me for a flaw I did not commit.
Did you not hear me when I was a young man and I just needed your helping hand?
To show me how to drive
Where were you?
How to share, how to smile at the girl across to room?
Where were you?
And where are you now as my world comes struggling, crashing into manhood?
Why are you not here showing me how to act?
How to be?
How to love?
But, wait!
I get it now....
Where ever you are stay there because I finally realised where you've been.....
You've been there....
You've been there...
Showing me how not to be...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, April 21st, 2003

Subject:Waking up sometimes really is the hardest thing to do...
Time:2:35 am.
Ever since I was little I've had these occurances where I'll go to sleep and then my mind will wake up, but my body wont. Lie down for a second close your eyes and now pretend you cant move a muscle...not a toe, not your mouth to scream out, nothing. When I was younger it was worse bc it was so terrifying that sometimes it caused my breathing to be messed up and it felt like I was suffocating. Now it's not that bad, but it still knocks me for a loop. Usually I'll lie there and try to get my muscles to move, with all my might I'll try to move something...an arm, a toe, something. I'll start feeling my body shake and then eventually...hopefully...i'll snap out of it and it will feel like I just burst through a wall. One time Leah was here when it happened and she said it freaked her out bc she thought I was having a seizure. I believe the name for it is "Sleep Paralysis". and it sucks.
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, April 20th, 2003

Subject:Heck yeah...
Time:6:50 pm.
[url=http://brakpage.milkbag.net/quiz/peanuts.html]
[img]http://brakpage.milkbag.net/quiz/snoopy.gif[/img]
[size=10][b]Which Peanuts Character Are You Quiz[/b][/url][/size]
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, April 19th, 2003

Subject:Palm Readings, Beards, and drunk neighbors.....
Time:11:51 pm.
SO, how have you been?

I just got home from hanging out with Owen. Yes, yet again down on Bardstown Rd. I think seemingly this is the only thing left to do for us until we turn 21. Then...then...well the shit's going to hit the fan. I hate to say it...actually no I dont....I'm going to party really freaking hard. Nothing stupid...ok maybe a little bit of stupidness...but nothing totally ignorant.

Anyways, the usual Q'dobas and Smoothie King dinner. Then we skipped on over to Green Tree Mall...which really is like the Indiana J-mall if you ask me. I went to see if they had any "String Cheese Incident" T-shirts to no avail. BTW, my birthday is August 2nd just in case anyone feels spunky...=)

Then we went back to Bardstown Rd and did the usual walk around which consisted of Ear-x-tacy, where a local rap group was playing...they sounded pretty good, but the funny part was earlier in the day they stopped us and asked us if we knew somewhere that selled beer and then later we saw they were the guys playing, then onto BME and Better Days. Of course throw in people watching, people yelling at you from passing cars or trollys...even got a couple chicks that blew me kisses today...must be the new beard...=) Then onto Highland coffee where we chatted a while and made me think it be pretty interesting to get a whole bunch of people together and just chat about life and the world and such. I'm weird though and dig philosophical/politcal discussions/debates.

This is sort of getting long...ahh well....Then walking home we saw that a new palm reading place was opening up and Owen decided to try it out. It was really weird though bc I tried to hear what was going on but the other lady there kept talking to me. I would later learn that was bc to read someone's palm they read your chi and my easedropping was disrupting it. But, the weird part was I looked over one time and i could just see in his eyes this "Ohhh shit, this chick knows what she's talking about". Afterwards he couldnt even talk about it for a while bc he had to get his breath back. It was sort of neat. I dont know if it's legit or its just being able to read body language or not, but interesting nonetheless. I think once I get some money i might try it.

Ohh and then I came home and my neighbor...the one that's been talked about so much in here started talking to me. She seems nice, just drunk all the time, and she offered me and owen to come on up and smoke a doobie. I turned it down to Owen's dismay. And now I'm home.....

Beard's looking good...I shaved the mustache and now i just have the low beard...if i ever get my camera software to work and after it grows a little bit I'll show a pic.

Ok i think that's it. Have a good Easter...even if youre not a Christian like myself you have to admire who Jesus Christ was....A man with beliefs and the strength to standup to adversity and die for what he believed would change the world for the better. Even though some Christian Radicals might have misinterpreted his words and their meanings to me Jesus is a pretty cool dude and his sacrifice for his beliefs are pretty gutsy. Could you do the same for your beliefs?
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, April 17th, 2003

Subject:Music...and stuff...
Time:10:50 pm.
Mood: cold.
Mushroom Jazz....good goood gooooood stuff. Think of electronica with jazz on top of it...really good stuff. Mark Farina is a good one to download.

String Cheese Incident. Owen likes to call them the "Phish after band" but to tell you the truth i like them better than Phish. Just a great band to chill out to or sing along to. "Joyful Sound" is awesome.....So is "Come as you are"....

Evanescence needs to cut the guy that sings loose. They sound wayyyy tooo much like Linkin Park to be liked at all. Maybe if they cut him out.

hmmm.....POLL TIME.........

Since Im not a paid member im just going to ask for you to poll your answers in here....

Should I do the beard thing? Ive been shaving the neck but leaving everything else grow out...think i should??? Or should I shave it?
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, April 13th, 2003

Time:1:22 am.
YOu see the world in Neutral
Neutral:
Harmony and balance is key. You don't look at the
world in a negative or positive way and you'll
never judge or assume a situation- you just
look at the facts. People like you are peaceful
and accepting.


What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, April 10th, 2003

Subject:Whispers in the night....
Time:11:14 pm.
Someday you're going to end up breaking my heart, you know that? Someday I'm going to call you up and not be able to reach you. I'm going to sit here and wonder where you're at and then I'm going to finally get a hold of you and you're going to tell me that you've meet someone new. Someone who's older, who has dreams about a family and kids. He'll be ready to say I love you and to settle down and build a family. And there's going to be nothing I can say about that because he'll be everything you deserve. The only thing I'll be able to do is sit on the other side of the phone and listen to my own heart break. But, in the end maybe that's what I deserve.
-----------------
I never said I didn't love you....I said I didn't know what love was.
-----------------------------
You know sometimes I sit here and think about all the times I absolutely hate it that you're not here, that I can't hold you, I can't kiss you, I can't be beside you. But, not for one second would I change a thing because if I hadn't gave everything I did into this relationship I would never have got out of it all the things that I did. Sure, now it hurts like hell, but for every second that it hurts there's ten more that I will treasure forever. So, no I wouldn't change one thing about what happened between us�.not one single thing.
------------------
I think maybe what it might be is that every time I thought I was in love the person that I thought loved me didn't really love me at all. Instead they were in love with the fact that I loved them. The first one didn't even know me, didn't even care who I was. She was just some screwed up girl looking for someone to love her....for anyone to love her to fill whatever void she had created. And then the other one just loved me for what I was not who I was. She never loved me, she loved the idea of what I was. I want just once for someone to love me. To love Kevin. To love my faults, my likes and dislikes, to love me the person. But, sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever be able to do that.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, April 8th, 2003

Time:11:44 pm.
I thought since the seasons were changing I should change my icon too.....:)
Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, April 7th, 2003

Time:10:29 pm.
On foxrocks.com right now they're actually having a poll on if they should ban Pearl Jam or not because of Eddie Vedder's comments against Bush. As if it even mattered what the poll says since Clear Channel the company that runs the Fox and a billion other stations are banning any and everyone that says anything contrary to what the President says.

This is a slap in the face of freedom of speech. I thought some of you might find this interesting.


It's like 1984 just came 20 years later....
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, April 3rd, 2003

Time:6:40 pm.
There is actually a Indian Burial ground on Ups propierty. There's all this runway and buildings except right in this corner blocked off is a whole bunch of grass and a tree or two. And yes it is actually a Indian burial ground.

Sort of neat I think....
Comments: Add Your Own.

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